


Break Down These Walls, And Come On In

by F4nd0mG33k17



Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Masturbation, Nightmares, Sharing a Bed, Smut, Some Plot, Swearing, but not really, mild dirty talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 15:49:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19154140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/F4nd0mG33k17/pseuds/F4nd0mG33k17
Summary: Benji is pulled from sleep to find Ethan in the midsts of a nightmare. Knowing that pain all too well, he tries to help in whatever way he can.





	1. We'll Crack Before We Shatter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [supergeekytoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/supergeekytoon/gifts).



> Gift to SGT for lending an ear to all of my yelling <3
> 
> Okay, so, this got hashed out when the writing demon turned its back. Its been a while, but I'm slowly gathering the scattered pieces of my fic mojo. This was meant to have plot but that proved too difficult for me right now and as such is more of a drabble. The wholesome concept devolved somewhat into a more smutty take but sh!t happens, I guess. 
> 
> As noted in the summary, sexy times are confined to Chaper 2 and can be skipped if that isn't your thing and you just want something Soft(TM). 
> 
> Titles are all from songs;  
> Work title is from Wolves, Selena Gomez x Marshmallow  
> C1 is from Hold The Line, ARIZONA x Avicii  
> C2 is from Addicted To You, Avicii  
> C3 is from Stand By You, Rachel Platten

Benji wakes suddenly, disorientated in the darkened room. The pounding of his heart is unnerving, especially since he can’t recall a nightmare that could have caused it, but his rapid breathing begins to slow as silent moments slip by. His vision adjusts enough that he can make out Ethan’s form from across the room. It’s then that he realises what had startled him awake.

Ethan’s covers are pulled down low across his hips to reveal the expanse of his bare torso, the ridges of his abs accentuated by the sheen of sweat on his skin. His restless shifting has caused the sheet to tangle around his legs tight enough that Benji can see the swell of his thighs through the thin fabric. Even with the way his hair falls messily into his eyes and somewhat obscures his face, his expression is clearly one of distress, mouth twisted into a grimace that Benji recognises well enough to know means _pain_. 

Benji is on his feet and then at the edge of Ethan’s mattress before his mind can catch up to his body. He hesitates, unsure of how to proceed, until Ethan’s fist clenches in his pillow and a low whine escapes his parted lips. The distressed noise spurs Benji into motion and he dampens his bottom lip before softly calling out, “Ethan.” Another whimper is the only response to his having spoken. He tries again, louder this time, “Ethan. Ethan, wake up.” 

Ethan doesn’t stir. Wary of the risk to his own safety posed by startling Ethan out of a nightmare, he moves in close enough to touch. His fingertips have barely brushed Ethan’s shoulder when green eyes fly open, wide and more than a little unfocused. He only manages _Eth—_ before he’s abruptly laid out flat on his back, the soft mattress beneath him a startling juxtaposition to the hard lines of Ethan’s body above him. 

His arms are pinned above his head by Ethan’s vice like grip on his wrists and their legs are tangled together in a way that would make any attempt to move futile. As such, Benji stays completely still and waits for the part of Ethan’s brain that is capable of reason to kick in. It’s not long before the grip on his wrists is loosening but neither of them move away from the other.

Ethan relaxes above him and Benji pushes aside any lingering concerns of physical harm. Without that worry hanging over him, he begins to take note of exactly how flush the press of their bodies is; his thigh wedged firmly between Ethan’s, the thin material of the other man’s pants not stopping the heat of his skin soaking into his own, while the sweat on his abdomen is cold against Benji’s skin. He hopes Ethan is still dazed enough from sleep that the slight hitch in his breathing will go unnoticed. 

Benji fights to focus back on the situation at hand with the way his thoughts are beginning to run away from him. He looks up and attempts to gauge Ethan’s current headspace and finds the mildly confused quirk of his brow highly endearing. It takes Benji a second to realise he’s been released from the tight hold pinning him to the bed. He scoots up into a more dignified position and finds himself studying Ethan intently as he sits up as well. 

Ethan twists his hands together in his lap, small smile abundantly self-deprecating as he says sheepishly, “Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.” He averts his gaze again. The uncharacteristic nervousness has Benji at a loss of response and a heavy silence stretches between them. Ethan doesn’t look as him as he mumbles, “Did I, um-- Was I yelling again?”

Benji’s head jerks up at that. “Yelling? No, Ethan, you weren’t-- wait. Yelling?” His chest feels tight with the concoction of emotions the thought of Ethan yelling in his sleep brings about. It grows tighter still at the weary sigh Ethan breathes, the sound carrying a kind of defeat that makes Benji’s pulse spike with concern. 

“Yeah, yelling. It doesn’t happen _that_ often. It’s just it’s usually worse when I’m more relaxed, and this mission with you has been a pleasant change of pace to our usual ones, so,” He trails off, pink staining his cheeks and the tips of his ears. Benji mustn’t manage to keep his lips from twisting down at his confession, because Ethan scrambles to assure him, “It’s okay! I’m used to it. I know it must be pretty disconcerting for you to be woken up by that, though. I’m sorry. I’ll just go crash on the couch, let you get some sleep.” 

The mattress dipping under his shifting weight is enough to pull Benji out of his head. He catches Ethan’s wrist quicker than either of them had expected and stumbles over his words in his haste to reassure him, “No! No, I-- It’s okay, Ethan, really. You don’t have to go sleep on the couch. Stay here. Please stay. I just-- I wish I could help, you know?” He pauses, unsure how far to push this when Ethan already seems uncomfortable. _Screw it_. “I know what it’s like, Ethan; my nightmares really take it out of me. It’s never made much of a difference for me, but I know talking about it is meant to help. I’ll listen. And if that doesn’t help then I’ll do whatever does.” He has a brief second of concern over seeming overeager and finishes a little awkwardly, “Or you can tell me to get out of your business and I’ll bugger off.” 

That draws a small smile from Ethan. He wasn’t really joking, but the slight quirk of the other man’s lips is much better than the haunted look in his eyes when he first woke up. Ethan scrubs a hand over his face. Benji’s heart aches at how utterly exhausted he looks and makes a final attempt to draw him into some kind of conversation, “Seriously though, is there anything I could do that would help?” 

Ethan studies him for a moment. His face gives very little away but Benji knows him well enough to recognise that he’s searching for something. He meets the intense gaze unflinchingly, willing to wait as long as it takes for Ethan to decide he’s trustworthy. After a while, he seems to reach his conclusion, and admits somewhat timidly, “The only thing that ever seems to help is having someone else close to me.” 

Benji feels his brow furrow in confusion; this safehouse is tiny and his and Ethan’s beds are barely five metres apart. The only way he could get closer is if— _Oh_. He tries to keep his voice from climbing an octave as he clarifies, “You mean, like, sharing a bed?” Ethan looks embarrassed but nods in confirmation. A moment of silence drags between them as Benji’s brain proceeds to reboot itself. 

Ethan must mistake his lack of reply as discomfort because he hastens to explain, “I didn’t— You asked what helps. That helps. I wasn’t—”

“Ethan,” he interrupts, “It’s alright. I’m not-- It’s-- I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable by suggesting--” He stutters to a stop at that, not quite having it in him to say the words _share a bed_ for fear of somehow giving his feelings away. 

Ethan speaks before he can get too lost in that particular spiral. “You wouldn’t mind?” He sounds more uncertain than Benji can recall him being in all their years together, timid in a way he never lets himself be in the light of day. His hesitancy brings out something in Benji that makes him want to tear apart everyone who has ever hurt the beautiful soul he’s proud to call his best friend. Realising now probably isn’t the time to get started on a murder spree, he simply shakes his head in answer to Ethan’s question. He still doesn’t trust his voice. 

Ethan nods, as if to reassure himself, before reaching out to lift the edge of the sheet. There's an awkward amount of fidgeting as they both settle into the bed and Benji quickly realises how small the mattress is with two bodies to accommodate. He scarcely dares to breathe as he lays beside Ethan in the darkness. The space left between them is small enough that he can feel the heat of the other man’s skin through his sleep shirt but somehow it still seems like miles.

His hand comes to rest lightly on Ethan’s hip bone, voice so quiet it's barely audible as he asks, “Is this okay?” Ethan presses back until he’s a solid line of heat down the front of his body and hums an affirmative noise. Benji tries to suppress the shudder that runs up his spine at the brush of Ethan’s sweatpants against his thighs. Having forgotten his own sweats, he’s been reduced to sleeping in his boxers and the rustle of soft fabric against his bare skin is stunningly intimate in the darkness. 

With no small amount of restraint, he banishes that particular line of thought and reminds himself that this is about comforting Ethan. His hold on the smaller man tightens. The slow slide of his fingertips against Ethan’s stomach is entirely involuntary, a habit carried over from past relationships, or so he tells himself. Ethan doesn’t make any move to stop him, though, just sighs softly as his abs quiver under the gentle touch. Benji feels brave enough with his eyes closed to keep the movement up until his breathing evens out in sleep. 

Once he’s sure Ethan is out for the night, he lets his forehead rest against the nape of the other man’s neck. The deep, steady breaths Ethan takes help dispel the jittery feeling of panic that had lodged in his chest upon seeing how vulnerable he had been rendered by his nightmares. Benji knows it’s only natural that someone who’s been in the game as long as Ethan has would be affected by everything they’ve seen, but that doesn’t make it any easier to stomach. _If Ethan is going to run himself into the ground for the sake of saving the world, Benji is damn sure he’s going to be there to pick him up afterwards._

The combination of the late hour, the drained feeling that always comes to him after an emotional exchange, and the warmth of Ethan nestled in his embrace is enough to bring Benji to the edge of sleep in no time. He’s falling fast by the time Ethan shifts against him but manages to tighten his hold in response. Ethan whimpers softly. Benji’s lips brush the dip between his shoulder blades as he promises, “I’m here, Ethan. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you.” Ethan settles down instantly and doesn’t stir again. Benji follows him into a dreamless sleep within minutes.


	2. Hooked On Your Love Like A Powerful Drug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEXY TIMES AHEAD - SKIP IF THIS IS NOT YOUR THING!

As the light of dawn filters through the shutters, Benji wakes slowly. He groans a little at the blissful comfort he feels, body pleasantly warm and relaxed in a way he’s not accustomed to feeling in a safehouse bed. His attempt to stretch is short lived given the warm mass in his arms and his sleep-addled brain takes longer to process the situation than it should. _Oh, right. Ethan. Nightmare._

There’s a moment where Benji thinks perhaps he should be more concerned about the predicament he’s gotten himself into; he’s self-aware enough to know that his _crush_ on Ethan has been veering dangerously toward _love_ for longer than he’d care to admit, and he isn’t entirely sure cuddling is conducive to his attempts to suppress such feelings. It’s easy to ignore those concerns when Ethan’s body is curled tightly into his embrace, though. 

He could blame any number of factors - the pale glow the early morning sun casts over Ethan’s face, the warmth of his body against his own, how outrageously soft the skin just above his waistband is - but Benji knows they’re all just flimsy excuses for the way his thumb slides back and forth across his abdomen. Ethan’s chest rises and falls with his soft exhales in an oddly hypnotic rhythm and Benji can feel himself drifting back to sleep just as the other man begins to stir.

Ethan doesn’t turn his head or even open his eyes as he greets, “Good morning.” His voice is deep with the disuse of sleep and sparks a heat in Benji’s stomach he could _really_ do without given the way they’re pressed together from shoulder to ankle. Ethan makes no effort to get out of the embrace they’re locked in and Benji doesn’t want to pull away either, but he figures the insecurities of the previous night have been left in the darkness. 

He doesn’t want to make things awkward by holding on longer than he’s welcome and the lazy drags of his thumb come to a rather abrupt end. Despite passing his field test with flying colours, nobody could ever accuse Benji of being graceful, and he recalls his lanky teenage years with startling clarity as he attempts to extricate himself from their tangle of limbs without touching Ethan inappropriately. He fails spectacularly thanks to Ethan shifting at the same time as him.

Part of his brain simply shuts down at the press of his hips against Ethan’s ass. The remaining part is reduced to fumbling for an apology. Sadly, there’s no eloquent way to say _sorry, I know you just needed a cuddle but my body didn't get the fucking memo and I’ve fancied you for years so of course I’m hard as shit_ and he only manages a half assed, “Fuck-- Sorry, Ethan, I--”

He tries to snatch his hand back when he realises he’s _still_ touching Ethan but he’s barely moved before fingers curl around his wrist under the sheets and keep him from drawing away. “Benji. It’s okay, you don’t have to-- Just--” Ethan seems to be struggling to find his words too, and he trails off. His grip tightens, though, and he wordlessly brings both their hands to his abdomen. Benji lets his fist loosen when Ethan pries his fingers apart and presses his palm back down to where it was resting before he tried to move away.

There’s a moment of inaction that feels like a lifetime with the way Benji's heart is in his throat. Ethan is still facing away from him and that's the only reason he’s brave enough to stamp down the jittery feeling in his chest and resume the sliding motion of his thumb. Ethan sighs softly and relaxes back against him. They fall into silence for long moments, the soft touch the only movement between them. 

Ethan’s breathing seems to pick up as Benji lets his thumb drag in wider arcs, the air whistling in his chest ever so slightly. Feeling bold, he lets his hand slide a little lower, and then lower still as Ethan shivers against him almost imperceptibly. His own breathing feels loud in the tense stillness that falls over the room and it rattles in his lungs as his thumb creeps steadily toward Ethan’s waistband. 

His heart is pounding unbearably loudly in his ears, loud enough that he thinks Ethan _must_ be able to hear it, as he reaches the elastic stretched over the smaller man’s stomach. He drags back and forth just above the fabric as he wrestles with himself over how far to push this. Ethan, apparently having grown tired of his indecision, presses back against him more deliberately than before, just as he decides to move his hand. 

The hitching breath Ethan takes as their hips brush draws his stomach in enough that Benji’s thumb slides underneath his boxers where they lift away over the jut of his hip bones. Ethan makes a slightly startled whimper and Benji lets his hand slide over that same spot with more pressure before he can talk himself out of it. He has to take a deep breath to suppress the moan on the tip of his tongue at Ethan’s breathy exhalation of, “ _Benji_.” 

His hand freezes, along with the rest of his body, as he waits for Ethan to do or say _something_. While he’s wanted this far longer than he’d care to admit, he needs more explicit consent from Ethan than the little noises of pleasure he’s let slip already. Despite said encouraging noises, he’s still somewhat shocked when Ethan shifts against him again and whines, “Benji, _please_.”

Benji swallows audibly in the silence between them as his world tilts on its axis at the thought of Ethan _wanting_ him. After a few more seconds, he manages to find his voice. He’s impressed that it only wobbles a little as he brings his mouth to the shell of Ethan’s ear and murmurs, “Tell me what you need, Ethan.” 

Ethan’s hips shift again and Benji can barely hear the other man’s response over the rushing in his ears at the contact. “I need you to touch me, Benji.” 

Both their breaths are a little ragged as he slowly lets his hand slide lower. Ethan gasps and stutters into his touch when his hand closes over the bulge in his sweatpants. He squeezes lightly, intending to tease, but finds himself groaning into the nape of Ethan’s neck at the damp stickiness of the fabric under his fingertips. 

The fact that Ethan is so obviously turned on gives him enough courage to dip his hand below his waistband and wrap around him with nothing between their skin. Ethan ruts into his fist instantly, the movement dragging his ass against Benji’s own erection. He allows himself two seconds to appreciate the sensation before focusing back on Ethan’s pleasure and bringing his thumb up to swipe at the fluid leaking from his tip to ease his movements. 

Ethan moans loudly as he tightens his grip and begins to stroke in a slow rhythm. He pulls up and twists his wrist every few tugs, dragging his thumb over the head of Ethan’s cock to slick his hand up again before sliding back down. Ethan’s breathing grows louder between them, hitching as he thrusts forward to meet Benji’s fist when he begins to move faster.

In order to smother his own moans, Benji fits his mouth roughly to the soft skin just below Ethan’s ear and sucks a messy trail of love bites down toward the sharp line of his collarbone. The first press of his teeth to a forming bruise coincides with the tightening of his hand around the base of Ethan’s cock. A low growl rumbles out of Ethan’s chest and more precum spills from his tip. 

Encouraged, Benji picks up the pace and finds his fist slides much more easily now that Ethan is leaking steadily into his grip. He listens intently to the patterns of the other man’s laboured breathing as they move together. He can’t help but grin at the choked off whimper Ethan lets out when he brushes over a particularly sensitive spot on his underside. Benji lets his fingertips slide insistently back and forth just there as he thumbs at the head of his cock and doesn’t bother to fight his own grunt as Ethan fucks roughly into his hand. 

“Shit, Benji. _Fuck_. I-- I’m close.” Ethan’s voice is wrecked, husky and strained in a way that pushes Benji closer to the edge too. He goes back to stroking Ethan’s full length, fist sliding from root to tip and curling back down over and over again. The rhythm he’s set quickens until he finds a pace that makes Ethan’s breath catch in his throat. After a short while, his exhales devolve into needy little _hnh, hnh, hnh_ s that match the speed of Benji’s hand and he starts shifting restlessly in search of a little more friction.

Benji knows instinctively that he’s right on the edge. He presses in closer to nip at Ethan’s earlobe and coax, “That’s it, baby. I’ve got you. Cum for me, Ethan.” He brings his fist down and tightens it around the base just as he mutters Ethan’s name and feels hot fluid spread through his fingers the next second. Ethan gives a broken moan and stutters weakly into his grip before going completely boneless against his chest as he fights to drag air into his lungs. Benji indulges himself in pressing his lips gently to the hollow just below his ear as he wipes his hand off on Ethan’s ruined sweatpants. 

Ethan’s breathing is still wrecked when he finally turns to face Benji for the first time that morning. Benji catches a glimpse of his eyes, green gold irises swamped by the black of his dilated pupils, before he forces himself to look away. He’s not stupid enough to delude himself into thinking this was anything other than Ethan needing to feel a certain way after his nightmare, but he’s not strong enough to look into his eyes and pretend he doesn’t want more, either. 

He’s pulled from his melancolic thoughts when Ethan drags calloused fingertips over his abs and traces over the pulse point below his jaw with his tongue, the feeling racing up his spine eerily similar to that of an electric shock born of touching exposed wires together. Every inch of his body screams at him to keep his mouth shut but the part of his mind screaming _Bad Idea!_ is louder. Catching Ethan’s hands in his own and pushing them away from his skin is quite possibly the hardest thing he’s ever done. 

Ethan is undeterred by the movement of their hands at first, mouth closing over his skin hard enough to leave an impressive bruise. Benji swallows the acid feeling in his throat and struggles to find his voice. “Ethan.” With a final flick of his tongue, Ethan pulls back, one of his million watt smiles making his eyes crinkle at the edges. Benji’s heart clenches and his throat tightens with all of the emotions he’s desperately trying to suppress. He forces himself to bite out, “Stop, Ethan, I-- It’s okay. Please, just-- Don’t.” 

Ethan’s face falls, the mischievous quirk of his lips quickly replaced with the forced blankness Benji has always hated. His eyes are still burning with a myriad of emotions but Benji can’t decipher a single one. A very different kind of tension stretches between them. “Did I do something wrong?” Ethan asks eventually, voice heavy with resignation. Something twists in Benji’s stomach in a decidedly less pleasant manner than it did five minutes ago.

“No, Ethan. No. It’s not that. It’s just--” He breaks off with a sigh, runs his hands through his hair in frustration at not being able to find the words he needs. “You don’t owe me, um, _anything_ \-- okay?” he explains, the pitch of his voice fluctuating awkwardly as his brain provides him with vivid images of exactly what _anything_ might entail. When he finally fights down the heat in his cheeks enough to be able to look up at Ethan, he finds the other man still staring at him with that infuriatingly blank gaze.

Benji huffs out another sigh and makes to slip out from where Ethan’s body is still half caging him against the mattress. He doesn’t expect any resistance. _Then again, when has Ethan ever done what he expected?_ He freezes in place when fingers close around his wrist, grip light in a way that suggests Ethan isn’t sure his touch will be welcome. Benji’s eyes fall closed without his permission. When he opens them again, Ethan’s are barely an inch away.

“Benji,” Ethan breathes, “I wouldn’t offer out of obligation.” 

“Then-- why?” Benji can’t bring himself to care how defeated he sounds, not with the tempest that’s been building within him since the moment he touched Ethan’s skin. Ethan catches his gaze and he’s powerless to look away. The grip on his wrist loosens but he’s held fast by Ethan’s fingertips ghosting over his skin just the same. Goosebumps rise on his arm as Ethan smoothes over his palm and twists their fingers together. He blinks slowly as Ethan’s other hand comes up to cup his face, thumb brushing his cheekbone. 

“How can you not know, Benji?” Ethan’s voice is a whisper between them, so quiet that Benji can barely hear him even with how close they are. _On reflection, maybe Ethan’s voice is only quiet compared to how loudly Benji’s heart is pounding in his ears_. Ethan searches his eyes a final time before ducking forward and pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. He barely pulls back to speak, leaving him close enough that their lips brush with the shape of his words. “I know that I’m no good at this, Benji. I never know what to say. I can show you, though, if you’ll let me. May I?”

Ethan finally draws away enough that Benji feels like he can breathe again, but his gaze lingers. Benji couldn’t trust his voice if his life depended on it. He manages a nod, though, and that seems to be enough. Ethan’s hand drops down to his chest and Benji tries to control the clamoring of the butterflies in his stomach as his fingers slide lower. When he reaches the elasticated waist of Benji’s boxer shorts, Ethan pauses to look up at him again. “Okay?” he murmurs, voice low and gritty. 

Benji nods shakily and tries to suppress the shiver crawling up his spine as Ethan strips his boxers away. Once his underwear has been thrown aside, Ethan draws him into their first real kiss. A sense of calm settles over Benji at the brush of Ethan’s mouth against his own and he brings his arms up to twine around the smaller man’s neck. The slide of Ethan’s tongue against his bottom lip has his mouth falling open and he feels almost giddy when Ethan moans softly as the kiss deepens. 

By the time Ethan pulls away, Benji feels hazy and his lungs burn with oxygen deprivation. Ethan looks as fuckstruck as he feels but the air between them is too heavy for the laugh in his throat to actually escape him. He blinks slowly and watches as Ethan does the same. An indeterminate amount of time later, Ethan finally lets his gaze wander lower. 

He hovers over Benji, dark eyes sliding across every inch of exposed skin. Benji’s breathing feels stiflingly loud in the intimate moment but he can’t help the way the air drags fitfully into his lungs at Ethan’s languid perusal. When the lust rising between them becomes too much to bare under the intensity of Ethan’s gaze, Benji let’s his eyes fall closed. 

He’s so lost in trying to remember how his lungs should work that the first touch of Ethan’s mouth to his inner thigh startles him. His back arches away from the mattress beneath him at the hot drag of Ethan’s tongue against his sensitive skin and only the strong grip around his waist keeps him steady. Ethan’s eyes flit up to meet his own a final time before he bows his head and tilts forwards. 

Benji’s hips stutter at the wet heat of Ethan’s mouth around the tip of his cock but he can’t go anywhere with Ethan’s hands on him. He pants shallowly as Ethan laves his tongue over the ridge on his underside and is reduced to squirming in an attempt to find more friction. The moan torn from his throat at that is more animal than human; he’d be ashamed if he could focus on anything other than the slide of Ethan’s mouth.

His hands fist tightly in the sheets as Ethan takes more of him down with every pass, tiny noises of pleasure escaping him like blowing Benji is the best thing he can imagine doing. Benji feels his head spin slightly when Ethan hollows his cheeks and begins to move faster. He relinquishes his hold on the bedclothes to tangle one hand into the back of his silky hair, just as Ethan sucks him all the way down. 

“ _Christ_ , Ethan!” How he manages to get the words out with Ethan’s lips wrapped tightly around his base he’ll never know. Ethan’s only response is to stay where he is, throat going slack and then tightening as he swallows. When he pulls back, he pulls off completely and resumes the rhythm he’d set with quick jerks of his wrist. The early light spilling through the windows washes his features in gold, making his eyes glimmer with mischief and highlighting the shine of spit on his lips as he grins. He looks positively wild.

Benji’s breath catches in his throat and he can’t find the words he’s looking for before Ethan’s ducking down and resuming the movement of his mouth. His hands clench tightly in the back of the older man’s hair in an attempt to ground himself, but he only succeeds in making Ethan moan around his length. The vibration rips up his spine like lightning and tears a similar noise from his own throat as his hips buck. 

Ethan’s fingers loosen their hold on his hips where they’d been tight enough that his nails have left crescent marks. Benji lets his hips roll slowly, until Ethan’s hands slide around his waist and encourage him to move more. He thrusts shallowly into Ethan’s mouth, picking up the pace when the enthusiastic swirl of Ethan’s tongue becomes too much for him to maintain a more sedate speed.

The sting of Ethan’s nails against his thigh nudges Benji closer to the edge, fingers scratching back and forth at a perfect counter rhythm to the bobbing of his head. As his control slips further and sounds spill from his mouth unchecked, Ethan matches him with little hums that punctuate the obscene slurping noise he’s making. When Benji attempts to stifle a gruff moan, Ethan pulls off again with a lewd _pop_ and takes a deep breath.

The slow drag of his tongue over his swollen lips tightens the coil in Benji’s abdomen to within an inch of being _too much_ but Ethan only draws back long enough to coax, “Benji, c’mon. Stop holding back. I want you. I want _all_ of you. Just let go.” He fits their mouths together in a messy kiss, lips damp and the taste of Benji faint on his tongue, and swipes his thumb across the wet tip of Benji’s cock as they part. 

Ethan takes him into his mouth again and sucks relentlessly until Benji feels heat licking at his abdomen. He tightens his hold in Ethan’s hair, unable to form a more coherent warning before spilling himself across Ethan’s tongue. As his vision whites out and his chest heaves with exertion, he collapses back into the sheets and throws an arm carelessly over his eyes in the hopes that the room will have stopped spinning when he removes it. 

While he does feel steadier after a moment, his stomach flips like he’s on a rollercoaster when he finally looks into Ethan’s eyes. Ethan looks, for lack of a better word, ravaged; his irises are almost entirely eclipsed by the back of his pupils, his golden skin is flushed with a light sheen of sweat, and his mouth is red and swollen. Unable to quell the fear that this is a one time thing, Benji pulls him in for a deep, drugging kiss. 

One of Ethan’s hands cups the back of his head gently, while the other rests on his shoulder and his thumb slides back and forth over the ridge of his collarbone. Benji’s hands are far more restless. He brushes lightly over Ethan’s cheekbone and then down to cup his jaw as their tongues meet, before slipping away in search of more intimate contact. Ethan’s chest is firm under his caress but the smaller man shivers a little as Benji’s fingers seek the ridges of his abdomen. 

He presses closer into the embrace in a way that makes Benji’s palm brush against his crotch and a breathy whine rumbles from his chest at the light touch. Ethan pulls back from the kiss to suck in a shaking breath and Benji lets their eyes meet as he slides his hand back and forth again, feels his eyebrows lift slightly when Ethan’s fall shut and his lips part around a whimper. “Jesus, Ethan. I— Again?” Benji knows he sounds incredulous, but if someone had told him before this mission that Ethan would be rock hard from sucking him off he’d have suggested they get a psych eval. 

Ethan blinks his eyes open slowly. He looks almost delirious with lust. Benji feels that image seering itself into his brain, even as Ethan takes his hands and brings them up to rest against his chest. He licks his lips and begins to ask, “Can I just—”

When he pauses without any sign of finishing his question, seeming somewhat overwhelmed at the situation, Benji assures him as sincerely as he can, “Take whatever you need, Ethan.” Their gazes remain locked for a few more seconds and Benji refuses to be the first to look away. Ethan nods once before his hands fall from where he’d been holding Benji’s against his skin. Benji lets his thumb brush over Ethan’s collarbone in a mirror of their earlier position. 

Ethan glances at him for a moment longer before spitting into his fist and slipping it down into his sweatpants. His eyes fall shut as he takes himself in hand, lashes fluttering against his cheeks as his bicep tenses and he begins to stroke. Benji takes everything in with baited breath, far too enraptured by the vision Ethan makes to be concerned with oxygen. 

“You’re _so_ beautiful, Ethan.” The words fall from his lips unbidden but, before he can even start to panic, Ethan leans more heavily into him and increases the speed of his hand with a hitching moan. Benji lets himself move a little, one hand sliding into the back of Ethan’s hair and twining the strands loosely around his fingers. Ethan doesn’t protest and he takes that as permission to bring his other hand to Ethan’s jaw and tilt his head up so they can kiss again. 

He keeps the kiss teasing, dragging Ethan’s bottom lip between his teeth but not letting their tongues meet until Ethan starts jerking faster and breathes whiny exhales into his mouth. Ethan lets him control the kiss as he focuses on bringing himself to the edge again and they only break apart once he starts making sounds so frequently that he can no longer kiss back. He keeps their foreheads pressed together, unwilling to move any further away than that. 

Benji ghosts his fingertips down the curve of Ethan’s spine as he tightens his fist and bites his lip around a particularly loud cry. His eyes are unfocused when they blink open, gaining clarity when he pulls back enough to let them rove Benji’s body. His unsteady breathing grows even more erratic as his gaze flits about and he almost chokes on the whimper he lets out when Benji squeezes his thigh through the thin fabric of his pants. Twisting his wrist just right, he careens over the edge with a gasp and then collapses against Benji in search of support. 

Ethan shivers and trembles as he comes down again, one hand grasping weakly at Benji’s shoulder as the other emerges from beneath his waistband. He doesn’t seem to be in any state to form words, and Benji doubts he’d fair much better himself. Their lips meet in an achingly gentle kiss and Benji resolves to deal with this when they’re both more coherent. He lays back, lets his legs fall open so that Ethan’s can tangle between them, and traces random patterns into his skin until they both fall asleep again.


	3. Even If We're Breaking Down, We Can Find A Way To Break Through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reassurances are shared in the light of day.

Never having been one to sleep in, Ethan comes around quickly once the full light of day begins to stream through the thin curtains of the safehouse bedroom. A deep yawn cracks his jaw as he pushes upright and shakes the hair out of his eyes. Benji shifts beneath him at the disturbance but settles back down quickly enough.

Ethan moves around as gently as he can to ensure that Benji doesn’t wake as he disentangles their limbs enough to lie on his side next to the other man. He props himself up on one elbow and drinks Benji in, the sheet low over his hips and the plane of his chest rising and falling steadily. In sleep he seems subdued, his current stillness a notable contrast to the animated gestures he makes as his mouth runs a mile a minute when he’s awake. Ethan can’t decide which side of Benji he prefers. Ultimately, he supposes it doesn’t matter - he just thanks a god he isn’t sure he believes in that he gets to see both. 

Benji turning onto his side in a close mirror of Ethan’s own position draws him from his more sentimental thoughts. He’s quickly captured by the flutter of Benji’s lashes against his cheeks and the unruly hair that spills across his forehead and is unable to stop himself reaching out to brush the strands back. Benji presses into the touch slightly, a soft sigh parting his lips. 

Ethan lets his touch wander, sweeping his thumb along the curve of Benji’s cheekbone and then sliding lightly down his throat. He hovers over the bruise he’d left on the pale skin there as warmth wells in his stomach. Benji fidgets under his hand and breaks him out of his reverie. He makes a lazy trail along the sharp ridge of Benji’s collarbone and down the centre of his sternum, bumping down the jut of his ribcage before curling around to cradle his lower back. 

Ethan presses closer to Benji’s warmth until he can tilt his head up and press his lips to the underside of his jaw. He scatters more kisses across Benji’s fair skin, stretching up to leave one on his cheek and one behind his ear before dipping down to retrace the path his hands had carved earlier. Benji wriggles under his mouth, gradually being pulled back toward the land of the living. A hand curling into the back of Ethan’s hair as he lavishes butterfly kisses over Benji’s ribs has him pushing upright until he’s caught in blue eyes that are still hazy from sleep. He’s powerless to stop the way his lips curve into a wide smile.

Benji’s insecurities from before are still weighing on Ethan. He knows that attempting to find the words to dispel them will only see him making things worse, though, and puts his mouth to better use by leaning down and capturing Benji’s lips. The grip on his hair tightens as he deepens the kiss and Benji hums appreciatively as their tongues slide together. Ethan fights to keep things lazy and sweet until he strokes Benji’s hips and makes himself smile broadly enough that it breaks them apart. 

Ethan lets their foreheads rest together and relishes the closeness of sharing air, thankful for the way Benji’s eyes shutter closed and the illusion of privacy it gives him as he attempts to organise his thoughts into some semblance of coherence. “Benji,” he begins softly, nerves tightening his throat when blue eyes meet his own, “I hope that you know how much I care about you. And I want you to know that, while I’m not good at saying it outright, I can promise you here and now that I’m going to do everything I can to show you. Every day. Or, at least, for as long as you’ll have me. Does that sound like something you can live with?” 

Ethan’s heart feels like it’s ceased to beat in the seconds it takes for Benji to process his words; it feels like it’s cracking into pieces when the natural sparkle of Benji’s baby blues is replaced with the shine of unshed tears. Ethan’s chest constricts painfully with emotion, both as a response to Benji’s apparent distress and from the writhing mass of hopelessness at finally expressing his feelings, only to find they’re apparently unrequited. He squeezes his eyes closed and attempts to force down the stabbing pain in his lungs before he embarasses himself further by passing out. 

Benji’s hand comes up to cup his jaw, tilting his head up. Ethan’s eyes open against his will but he feels a little steadier when their gazes meet again. Benji’s voice is gentle but firm between them as he coaxes, “Woah, Ethan, hey. Look at me. _Breathe_ , Ethan. You’re okay. I’m right here. I’ve got you, and I’m not going anywhere.” Ethan lets out one shuddering breath and sucks another in, clenching and unclenching his fists in the pillow beneath Benji’s head as the younger man breathes, “You’re going to be stuck with me now, you know that, right?”

The even drag of Benji’s fingertips along the dip between his shoulder blades allows Ethan to control the heaving of his chest long enough to choke out, “Yeah?”

“Mhmm. For a long while, too. You might actually be the one that wants out first.”

“Never.” Ethan shakes his head as vehemently as he dares with the lingering sensation of dizziness gripping him but feels his chest loosen enough for him to speak more easily. He tries to affect a teasing tone, but misses by a mile. The words that spill out of him sound exactly how he’d truly meant them; like a confession. “I’m lost without you, Benji.”

Benji pulls him in close enough that their lips brush as he responds, “And I’m just a nerd with a laptop without _you_. I’ve done so many things that I never thought I was capable of until I met you. You might well be lost without me, Ethan, but I never could have found this version of myself without you.”

“I really like this version of you,” Ethan murmurs, before sealing their mouths together. 

_Most agents would tell you there are no promises in their line of work; Benji used to be inclined to agree. But now? He’d be hard pressed to describe Ethan’s kiss as anything else._


End file.
